Day 107
April 23, 2008 at 8:19 pm (Uncategorized)
Breakfast: Cereal w/fruit, oj
Lunch: Cottage cheese w/vegetables, crackers
Dinner: Chicken salad (didn’t feel like going to the store for turkey)
Snack: Luna Bar
Calories: 1400
Exercise: Walked 1 mile, biked 2.5 miles.
I did not want to walk (or ride my bike). I went to the Marina and set in the car for 15 min. before I could make myself get out & walk. And that was only thanks to Eleanor. Eleanor who some of you may ask? Roosevelt - You must do the thing you think you cannot do. That is my second favorite quote & the funny thing is I had read it on someone’s blog before I left to walk this morning, which I assume is why it popped into my mind while I was sitting watching all the nice people walk. Anyway you may be wondering if I felt better after walking - No, I felt worse actually. But I did it.
Now this is what I think - that I should automatically lose 2 lbs every time I do something like that & every time I go to the store & don’t buy a “bad” thing to eat. Whoever is in control of such things really needs to get busy because clearly the process is not working correctly. Of course if it was I’d probably weigh less than Jenny which wouldn’t be a great idea!
I have cried every single day for the last 107 days. I sleep poorly, I panic when I have to go into the store or anyplace for that matter. Oh I forgot, this is called depression. It will pass. Maybe in another 107 days? Sarcastic little person aren’t I? Guess what folks? It ain’t working. That bright smiling face you see is a front. Well maybe it isn’t bright or smiling, nevertheless it’s still a front.
As Dad says, talk is cheap. I haven’t just been talking. I’ve been doing a lot of really good stuff. Eating better, exercising, etc., etc. (I hate etc., it always strikes me as saying, I’m to lazy to think. I am.). Things are supposed to get easier. The universe is supposed to open up and meet me half-way. Life shouldn’t suck. Somebody, somewhere has seriously screwed things up & I’m starting to get annoyed. I realize gaining 4 lbs is pretty insignificant - I guess it was just the straw that . . . you get the idea. I guess this leaves me where I started this morning - you must do the thing you think you cannot do. That’s the only answer I have right now. Maybe that’s my roadmap.
jeff said,
April 24, 2008 at 12:22 am
You’re feeding the depression Robin. I’ve worked with a lot of depressed people and very few of them have the kind of insight into what depression is and how to cope with it that I’ve seen in you. I can only assume you are enjoying your misery. Every day you indulge, you increase the power depression has over you and increase the risk that you won’t be able to handle it. I don’t think you want that. Dig out the Mind Over Mood book and work on some thought records for a few days. I think that might help you.
Gaining four pounds means nothing, weight fluctuates for a variety of reasons. Quit weighing yourself, the numbers don’t mean anything. Don’t use this as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself and quit. I know how difficult things are for you, but you’re doing it, you are actually making significant changes in your life. Change is difficult and it’s scary, I know. I also know that you can handle it if you let yourself. In the end, the person you hurt most by giving in to depression and not continuing to lose weight is yourself. Don’t let that happen, okay? I’m proud of you Robin. You’ve worked hard and made some difficult choices that you are learning to live with.
I don’t have a quote from someone as inspiring as Eleanor Roosevelt, but I’ll leave you with this one from Christopher Robin: If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
mystrylvr said,
April 24, 2008 at 9:14 am
I’ll get the book out, that’s a good idea. I find Christopher Robin quite inspiring! You know, for you & the person who yelled at me last night — saying “poor baby, I feel so bad for you” might have been nice! Yeah, I know how helpful that would have been-I’d probably still be crying. I’m feeling better — I’m going to exercise & eat good (well?) today & not cry (see how I didn’t say try)! Thank you Jeff.